"whats your sexuality?" "money"
what caused that bruise?
I was playing tag with a guy in theatre and I said no tag backs but he ran towards me to tag me anyway and then I tripped over a box onto this makeup cart thing then fell in the floor. There’s more bruises but that’s the grossest one. It looks worse than it feels #memories
My Buddhist friend was stopped by a Christian fellowship and asked if she would consider following the word of Jesus Christ. She replied, “No, thanks, but maybe next time around.”
I don’t think they got the joke but I nearly died laughing.
“Treat her like you’re still trying to win her, and that’s how you’ll never lose her.”
Reasons why you should have plants in your room
- More clean air
- People think you are cool
- They look pretty
- You can sing to them and they won’t tell you to shut up
- You feel proud when they grow
- You can give them cute names
Unsure of how to confess your love to someone? Try this:
- Acquire several dozen limes.
- Go up to them and then drop all the limes.
- Start picking them up, but keep dropping them. The clumsier you look the better.
- Keep doing this until you have their attention (this could take up to thirty minutes).
- Finally gather up the limes. Try looking a bit sheepish.
- Look them deeply in the eyes and say, “Sorry. I’m bad at Pickup Limes.”
- Marry them.
*tells friend good news*
friend: “yeah but…”
if you tell someone ‘no’ and they respond with “FINE……….” or “guess ill be all alone….” or “its okay im used to having my hopes crushed…….” or any of that guilt-inducing passive aggressive fuckery, cut them straight out of your life because you never deserve to feel bad for setting boundaries or speaking your mind.